Six Changes That Would Improve Sports (That Will Never Happen)

What the end of a close basketball game looks like.

Rule changes happen in almost every league's offseason. Usually they suck. The NFL makes it harder and harder to play defense, all the leagues add playoffs teams from time to time until no regular season will ever mean anything ever, and the NBA secretly holds meetings with the refs on how to favor superstars even more than they already do, somehow.

What I'm going to do is suggest a few more tweaks, which have no chance of ever happening. But it's fun to play commissioner for a little bit, so why not?

1. Pro and college basketball alike could use this. There should be a rule allowing teams to use only one timeout each in the final two minutes of a basketball game. Ever notice how almost every single nail-biter ends anticlimactically because of more commercial time than game time? The only plays the coaches seem to draw up with all their timeouts are isos anyway.

2. The NBA needs to develop a rule saying traveling with the basketball is illegal. That "crab dribble" or whatever LeBron James does should be deemed illegal as well, as it constitutes traveling with the basketball.

3. College football should go back to allowing touchdown celebrations again. I know you're supposed to score and all, but it is college kids playing a game, after all. No one views dancing as disrespectful, except for whatever guy banned end zone celebrations, who should alter his outlook on life.

4. Players in any league who haven't passed second grade English should not be allowed to speak on national television.

5. Get rid of the DH. What's probably going to happen next is it's going to be made universal, sadly. All it does is hurt the game. The DH eliminates a considerable amount of strategy on the manager's part in the AL, because it makes double switches almost obsolete and when to pull a pitcher an easier decision. If you're a baseball enthusiast, you probably love the small ball a pitcher batting creates. It's also just plain dumb that the two leagues don't have the same rules. And there's nothing like seeing your starting pitcher come through with a key RBI.

6. Have Joe Buck and Troy Aikman banished from broadcasting forever.